Monday Musings: Peace Out Facebook Groups


Lemme preface this post by making it abundantly clear that this is not a shade post against any one particular author or Facebook group. It’s 2016, and if I personally have beef witcha, I’ma talk to you directly. Now, let’s continue…

Before I started reading romance novels, I used Facebook strictly to hangout with friends and family and shoot the shit. I didn’t even know these “groups” existed, so imagine my excitement when I discovered that not only were there these romance communities, but authors who created groups where  readers could come together and talk about books and chat it up with their favorite authors. Well, at least that’s what I thought these groups were about…

I don’t know how to put this delicately, so I’ll just come out and say it: I can no longer stand these Facebook groups, and in my personal experiences, here’s why: One, there are so many of them doing basically the same thing which is essentially just a virtual lounge or strip club where barely-covered dick pics are posted and biracial babies are fetishized. B, there is hardly any discussion of books, unless it’s to bash one or the author without having a meaningful dialogue about the title. Thirdly, it’s the same people in just about every group. I mean, that’s all good, but there is hardly any fresh perspective or insight into the world of romance books like trends and different genres and stuff. There’s hardly any talk about books, and I wanna talk about books, not just pick which outfit looks best with what shoes. And lastly, I’ve seen sides to some authors that have just, maaaan….Let’s just say that social media can be a blessing and a curse.

Please don’t confuse Facebook group with author page. They’re totally different. You know a Facebook group is one that you must join and consists of one or more moderators, while an author page is just that. They usually post news and updates about their current or upcoming releases, as well as the occasional trivial tidbit, and I am so down with that because they keep the focus on the books.

I know many people actually enjoy these groups, and I say more power to ya. I just don’t like what goes down behind closed doors, and that’s all I’ma say about that…


56 thoughts on “Monday Musings: Peace Out Facebook Groups

  1. WORD! This is exactly why I’ve left every single one. If I love an author and their books, I will still buy their stuff. Well, some authors anyway. Some of these groups have given me insight into authors I wish I didn’t have. Just clutching mah pearls all ova the place. Back in 2012, I was introduced to Facebook groups by an author whose books I loved. On a whim, I typed her name in the Facebook search bar and lo and behold she had an account! I couldn’t type a message fast enough. She appreciated me reaching out and invited me to her Facebook group. Aww suki suki now!!! I was in awe! So many women who shared a mutual love for an author AND they also shared book recs? I had no idea IR was a genre. It was the sweetest wake up call. I met some fantastic women and forged great friendships. I can count on one hand how many I keep in touch with now. Somewhere along the line in late 2013 early 2014 thangs changed and not for the better. The sh*t hit the fan and not in a good way. People started getting too caught up in their feels and the shade throwing was outta hand. Grown ass women doing stuff you used to see in high school. Yeah, I’m with you, sometimes you gotta bounce for peace of mind.

  2. I haven’t really joined any groups, though I’ve been added to some. I don’t have much time these days. I’m wondering though if maybe part of the problem is that people feel they have to talk all the time. In our group, we don’t generally post unless we have a book or a giveaway to talk about or something like that. People post questions asking about the next release, but that’s about it. And I do feel badly about that, but I assume people join the group to hear about my books and it’s impossible for me to talk about my books every day, so posting is limited. That may be why my group is not very large.

  3. Thank you for this post! I’ve been thinking hard lately about leaving most of the groups I’m in. As an author, I never thought of creating a group specific to my books because I’ve seen how crazy things can get. The only drama I like is in books, so the idea never appealed to me.

    Over the last year there has been one “scandal” after another, and it is exhausting and dissapointing to watch. I also feel pretty crappy because then I use the same groups for promo and that doesn’t sit well with me. Hypocrosiy is not a flattering shade.

    I’d rather have genuine engagement than worry aboutewho is saying what on some group. So thank you for this. Sometimes you just need to here common sense from someone else.

    These Monday Musings need meditative sessions to go along with them. I feel like I’m always having epiphanies after reafing them.

  4. After reading this post. I’m glad that I never had the desire.To join any Author’s Facebook groups.

  5. It’s unfortunate , your experiences in IR Facebook groups have been less than. Speaking from the context of an admin myself, I am sure the moderators of said groups would’ve welcomed your suggestions for improvement that is to say if you had any beyond criticism. There’s a persistent trend to your musings and I say this with the utmost sincerity. Your blog post are oft riddled with negativity, gross generalizations and singular viewpoints geared at sparking controversy rather than constructive debate. Perhaps today’s musings could’ve been balanced with including some of the positives of IR Facebook Groups. For instance, I only found your blog and today’s blog post because I am a part of a facebook group. Kudos to these groups for driving traffic to your blog. The IR community, despite recent growth is a niche readership relying heavily on word of mouth promotions. Social media via these very facebook groups account for a large part of the marketing tools available and afforded to self-published authors who account for the majority of IR writers. Did I mention it’s FREE? As to your counter factual claim that there is a lack of discussion on actual books within IR groups I beg to differ. Due to the diligence of some group mods, I am highly entertained and engaged by their innovative ways to inject new authors and spark book discussions from book chats to other participant driven group activities such as contests, quizzes, games, etc. To me the relevance of these groups were made most apparent, with the advent of mislabeling by unscrupulous authors to claim a bestseller in the IR/MC category, and an unloading into the IR/MC category of what I can only consider to be make a quick dollar smut reads. My reliance on group discussions to weed out the garbage from the newest book treasure saved my duckets and time. More recently, it’s been these very same group discussions that have identified plagiarized works, mobilized readers to report said plagiarism and ultimately supported our authors in protecting their copyrighted material. Even beyond the surface benefits of being a lurker in a facebook group, I’ve witnessed first hand these very same groups encourage, mold and spark creativity in others to become published writers by providing a venue for newbies to share their own musings. #ISupportFBGroups.

    1. Thank you or your dissertation, but as I’ve expressed in the post itself, these are my opinions, and mine alone. I don’t need to contact admins about how they run their groups when it’s apparent they have no power the content to begin with. I simply and quietly exit left.

      And as far as my blog being riddled with negativity, that is your opinion, yet you always seem to find your way here periodically to inject your opinions upon me and my audience which I often find combative and defensive.

      I’m glad you support FB groups. Keep doing you, and I’ma keep doing me. I’m not alone in my feelings. I’m just brave enough to talk about it.

      1. I think this is a great discussion. But didn’t you day in the beginning this isn’t against any group in particular? And not that you don’t support FB group which I don’t know where that came from since you decided to opt out. Regarding leaving these groups yes as stated posture things can be said like word of mouth promotion but at that same time when you are only posting authors in your clique what’s positive about that? Also I have sadly myself seen this negative behavior and the admins contribute. It’s so funny because these groups used to be inclusive now it’s the same fan girls and admin in every group and please the moment you state an issue here comes the memes. I wouldn’t take this negatively or attack the blogger who are indeed very instrumental in book promotion as well. Instead of showing the same behavior that is described above take this and see how your group could be better. Slight shade I think it’s funny when an author leaves a FB group thethat started for much of the same reasons listed but a blogger does and speaks on it now it’s an issue. I support real FB groups not admin and fan girl drama.

      2. Ms Gray, you just proved Musings point with this long unneccessary reply and from other replies, she is not the only one who feels this way. I myself left every FB group I was in..why? Because folks dont know how to keep their personal feels and drama out of a *book* group. We are there to find about books and authors in the genre not about bs. These groups would stay successful if they stick to what the group is about, its that simple. And its obvious many of the admins do not take action in fear of hurting someones already butt hurt feelings.

        And as far as Musings posts, this is her space and i for one appreciate her honesty…you dont get alot of that across the blogosphere. I support this blog, im happy her blog is here. Its only negative to those who cant handle truth pudding being said.

        This blog and her musings are what the genre sorely needs.

      3. Thank you for your support! I’m all about entertaining varying perspectives, but I cut you off when your “opinion” becomes defensive, combative, and disrespectful.

    2. Sienna, you are 100% right on. Folks always complaining, that is the air and food they consistently eat.

      1. Who and how is this complaining? Musings as well as everyone else here gave their opinion. Is that not even on your radar? I really cannot believe that when folks don’t get down with the collective, its a problem. Like ya’ll are really proving her point to the end and that is sad because you don’t even realize it.

      2. Hello! And to take it even further, they’re doing the authors who’s groups they admin a huge disservice, and this is why I disassociate. Completely… You can disagree with my comments without being childish.

      3. This is funny but a great example to prove your opinion. My question : how many of you check this blog if your minion didn’t run tell that or screen shot it so you can go off in your groups.

  6. Musings your experience isn’t singular. I’ve seen some ugliness as well but I don’t tend to say anything because I have very little patience for the tit for tat. I don’t belong to a lot of groups and therefore avoid much of the drama. People get very touchy and personally offended when opinions don’t align. I’m sure that there are plenty of good FB groups out there where positive and constructive discussions happen, but negativity is what tends to stand out and leave a more lasting impression. It sounds to me like your enjoyment of the FB groups suffered the death of a thousand cuts. It’s wonderful that some have found awesome groups to help them become more discerning readers. However, what I took away from your above post, is that the culmination of all of the negative is what has driven you away from fan groups in general. I didn’t read your post as all FB groups are negative spaces; but that you are gun shy now. Your experience is your own and you have responded about what you have experienced. To the point that your Musings are overwhelming negative with “gross generalizations and singular viewpoints”, I don’t agree. You are voicing frustrations that many are experiencing. #ISupportBloggers

  7. Positive: A Facebook group is where I got the idea to write my first book.
    Negative: I’m no longer a part of that Facebook group.

    Positive: I’ve found many other Facebook groups where books are the main point of discussion on a daily basis. I love the Book Club vibe!
    Negative: Many of the books discussed don’t adequately represent books penned by authors of color or books that feature diverse characters.

    Positive: I’ve acquired some excellent book recommendations because of a few Facebook groups I belong to now.
    Negative: I don’t participate in any groups that cater to specific authors or tend to have a cliquish mentality. Rule of thumb after witnessing some not so nice things. Every reader has their favorite author, but your favorite author isn’t writing and releasing books all day everyday. It’s okay to endorse other authors you enjoy. I feel like fangirling has a tendency to get so incredibly out of hand. There’s also a way to say you didn’t enjoy someone’s work in a respectful manner. It’s unfortunate that sometimes people forget authors are in these groups and when you say negative things, the author is there reading. Tact matters.

    Overall, I can understand you wanting to say adios because hey, everything isn’t for everyone. Social media time should be spent doing things you enjoy. You give something a whirl, see it isn’t for you and move onto the next. As an author, I mostly frequent promo groups and very few book discussion groups. I have about five discussion groups I visit religiously and I adore them. That’s a strategic move on my part.

    I enjoy your musings Patrice. You know this. Continue to say what you feel, you have an audience. ❤

    1. Thanks for your input. My entire point was that FB groups aren’t for me. You’ve presented a counterpoint respectfully and with regard to my personal (And I cannot stress that word enough) opinions. And for that, I fux with you heavily!

  8. Loving all of the support. Sharonda I love your truth pudding. I agree and this is in no way an attack against the other persons opinions but this is the stuff that is allowed on groups and in her group. A difference of an opinion is just that not a personal attack. Since when can’t voicing an opinion be seen as hate?! It’s so sad and yet no one is discussing the books but stables, and disrespecting others. While I appreciate different opinions negativity isn’t needed. I’m sure this will all be screen shot and discussed in said group.

  9. I see your point of view and even feel the same about the negativity that goes down in some of the groups and as a result, I have backed away from posting in many of the groups. I still get pumped for book chats but have experienced chats where the same 5 people are posting questions but the whole group claimed to want to discuss a particular book. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and even speaking a few of mine too.

    1. Thanks for chiming in! Some people enjoy Facebook groups for very different reasons. They’re no longer for me unless it’s a dedicated reading group.

  10. I do not think this topic is coming from left field. This is something many of us who are tired of the negativity spewed in Facebook groups have commented on frequently to others who have left their groups or came too late to groups and never got to enjoy the golden day of Facebook groups.

    To those who have found a group they love and still love more power to them. But I am getting more notices of closing groups because mods cannot keep up with the negativity, the promo slews and the people talking about everything but books. I joined groups to meet fellow readers, learn about events and discover books. I find those things rarely if ever go on in groups anymore so this post is not out of left field. If anyone is still in a group that still does these things HOLD ON TIGHT because the trolls may be coming for you.

    1. You bring up an interesting point about mods not maintaining a tighter reign. Being one requires the ability to be fair and balanced, and I just don’t see that or haven’t seen that. And for the record, I have spoken with admins who were willing to listen. And you know what? I dipped. Plain and simple. Thanks for your comments.

  11. Seriously we are grown women and not kids. Stay gone you truly WILL NOT BE MISSED.Didn’t know you were there in the first place.

    1. Ironic how you try to tell someone we’re grown women yet you post the most childish comment of all. Thank you for stopping by and have a nice day.

    2. Kizzy really?! I had an ounce of respect for you but this is beneath you. What about what one blogger said on her personal page which to be honest you never would have came to if not discussed in these groups. It just proves the point. Rise above don’t be a bully.

  12. Her opinion you are praising, my opinion bullying really?. NOT bullying it’s my opinion. I seriously could careless. If you don’t respect me. It’s not going to make or break me.

    1. You’re full of contradiction today. Praising and agreeing with something someone says is subjective yet you’re all in your feels when someone DISAGREES with your opinion. Respect works both ways.

    2. Kizzy it’s an issue of why do you care? Why?! You are on someone’s personal blog. She didn’t comment on your particular group. You came at her for what? ! Because someone brought it back to you that’s why. I don’t understand our culture. Why do this? You don’t like it ok say Tha don’t attack her with the stay gone comment. You know better and I will not ever respeCT intolerance.

  13. I agree if you don’t like the Facebook Groups then get out….simple. These musings seem angry and mean spirited.No one is finishing biracial babies! If it’s an IR group about IR relationships so duh…the children would be biracial. I don’t particularly like to see a lot of dick pics but he’ll we read about them….The author groups I’m in they discuss books all the time, it may not be a formal book chat but books are discussed and if a book is really good we post pictures of who resembles that character. As far as the admins…they have been nothing but fair and they have created a fun and safe environment…a place where we can discuss books and not be harassed by good friends,beta readers and publicists for said authors, they allow us to state out opinions with maligning the author….so I say to each it’s own.

    1. Interpretation of what I say is subjective but thank you for your opinion because like mine, it’s just that. I know what I’ve seen and experienced in more than one group, and you’re so right,if I don’t like it, then leave. And that’s what I did. Have a good day.

    2. So true Erica. It’s like we can’t be grown and just enjoy a.grown.environment. If it’s not your cup of tea leave, but there’s no need to blast it and be mean SPIRITED. Just move on no need to be ugly about it. We read about dicks and post a few pictures about it sudden some.become so pure they can’t see it please. And we do have great debates on other things besides books too. And FANTASTIC book.chats. maybe if one would have stayed around and enjoy the great book chat with Maureen Smith. But no matter what we say, it wouldn’t change narrow mindedness.

  14. what I truly don’t understand is how you “Grown” women are coming up on someones space to attack *yeah I said it* because she stated HER opinion on HER blog. That truth pudding must be hard to swallow man. I’m so glad she wrote this post because again, ya’ll are proving her right.

    Stay grown and classy *that’s sarcasm*

  15. Hello Musing IRJ

    Very truthful and insightful article. As my dear mother would often utter “Tell the truth and shame the devil”

  16. Reading the comments on here and thinking that these people are in their feels thinking your post was about their FB group. You clearly said in the beginning, it was not about any one group in particular! I wonder if people don’t read or skim every third word before making a comment.

    IMO, I get what you are saying. There are groups on FB that are not doing a lot to contribute the hobby of reading. If they are going to use catty behavior to try to tear down other readers, I want no part in it. Anyone that enjoys that, more power to them. But I am a firm believer in the fact that what vibes you put out there will return to you in some form.

    Disconnecting from the drama does wonders for your health and overall outlook on life 😀

  17. Had to shut my facebook group down for the varying reasons and some of what you said. Bravo to you for shedding light on a situation that few talk about openly. Besides your time is better spent reading a book! LOL! Kudos!

  18. I really can’t believe there are women who are claiming to be adults engaging in some petty high school mess. Your blog is my absolute favorite to read from and i swear I look forward to your every post.


    1. Thank you for your support. It means more than you know. I try not to let petty shit get to me, but when I feel I’m being attacked, I’m not going to allow anyone to disrespect me in my own space either. Thank you for following 😀 ❤

  19. Amazing how so many folks are coming to the defensive when this post was vague af and names weren’t thrown out there. Clearly you’re part of the problem and you know damn well you are, if you’re taking this so personal.

    A hit dog always hollers.

    1. Amber-Lordy lord! -‘a hit dog hollers’ that’s the best thing that I have read all day. I’m SO stealing that!

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